Laurent Mottron and Morton Ann Gernsbacher are, respectively, a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist, both "autism" researchers, and both of whom work with high functioning autistic persons. These two individuals are icons of the neurodiversity movement which is led primarily by a segment of high functioning autistic persons for whom the very notion that autism might be a disorder is offensive. They have lent their support to the neurodiversity movement which goes to great lengths to obscure the serious challenges and realities faced by lower functioning persons with autism. While Mottron and Gernsbacher eagerly embrace the views of a high functioning autistic person like Michelle Dawson and declare that research and societal notions of autism should reflect the views of autistic persons they largely ignore lower functioning autistic persons and their more severe challenges and more disturbing realities. Parents of severely challenged autistic children are not worthy of consideration for inclusion in their construction of our societal notions of autism. Of course, it is easier to pretend that autism is not a disorder when you simply ignore the massive body of evidence to the contrary, particularly the evidence of parents like Tanya of South Carolina whose MySpace blog on autism would challenge the fairy tale views of autism promoted by the Neurodiversity movement.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
I HATE Autism...
I first have to say that I love my baby boy dearly. More with every breath I take...but I really hate Autism, and what it's doing to my son.
I watch him while he's sleeping, and he's so beautiful, so perfect. I caress his long dark curls and silently I pray that he'll wake up and it will have all been a dream. I fantasize about him opening his eyes in the morning and saying "Good morning, Mamma", just like his twin sister does every day. But the day begins, and there are no words...again. I do get a beautiful smile, and I thank God for that.
He goes to school every day, and I start getting nervous when it's time to pick him up, because I don't know if it will be a wrestling match, or the boxing ring. Jackson is a really big boy, and every day I have to carry him off the playground at school, kicking, screaming, throwing himself backwards...and if I'm not careful and I don't stop a couple of times, I'll drop him. He hits me and screams and everybody is staring...even the little kids are staring now.
Things were so much easier when he was a baby. His stimming is out of control! He waves his hands right in front of his eyes, and away again, over and over and over, while making his own little sounds and noises...a language all his own. Again...everyone stares.
He's so strong..and he's only 3 1/2...what am I going to do when he's 7...or 10? Is he going to get better?
How can I spend my days standing in one spot where he has taken me, not letting me move or it will cause an almost unrecoverable meltdown? How can he continue to live on drinking only bottles of milk and eating french fries and bread, because the texture of almost any other food is just too much for him? Am I going to be feeding him applesause from a spoon forever, or will he ever be able to use a spoon himself? Will I ever be able to comfort him when he's hurt or upset, or will he just keep pushing me away?
Why can't anyone answer me? Why do I feel so alone?
Why can't I help my son?