Derek Hoare shows a picture of himself with his daughter Ayn in happier times
John Van Putten Photo
The British Columbia government, Ministry of Children and Family Development, has taken an autistic girl from her father's care after she went missing, very briefly, and was found safe at the nearby home of a neighbor. The father is on social assistance and had care of two autistic children, with the agreement of his wife. He is described in the Adrian MacNair - Abbotsford News report on bclocalnews.com as a caring father.
I felt a real chill reading this article and the father's description of his discovery that his daughter had gone missing. I felt that chill, in large part, because years ago my son Conor went missing on my watch and I reacted much as the father did in this case, running around looking for him, then calling police. In my case my son was safe and sound in the neighborhood, at a local convenience store. In Mr. Hoare's case his daughter was also safe and sound, at a neighbor's pool just two houses away. In my case I recovered my son without further ado. In Mr. Hoare's case the BC government took his daughter away from him as he describes:
"More than three hours later, Ayn was found two houses over in a neighbour’s pool. She was safe and sound. It was a fairy tale ending, told by various media covering the story. And for a moment, it was.When the police brought Ayn back, she ran to her father and threw her arms around his shoulders as he breathed tearful relief. But four days later, representatives from the Ministry of Children and Family Development came to his house with orders to take Ayn away.
“Basically, what they’re saying is I’m a single dad and I have two autistic kids and my other son and it’s too much for me to handle. So, they’re going to take one of my kids away to lighten my load,” said Derek on Tuesday, after learning he wouldn’t even be able to see his daughter until a hearing determines access rights.
Because of her 24-hour care requirements, she won’t go into a foster home, but will be placed in a psychiatric facility for evaluation.Derek is concerned she will be sedated and drugged for her autism, which he has always opposed, despite doctor advice to the contrary.“They’re probably holding her down and sedating her,” he said, his voice choking. “This is a nightmare.”A single father on social assistance, Derek said he has custody of his three children with the approval of ex-wife Amie Van Dyk."
The BC Local News article goes on to describe the steps that the dad had taken to provide a safe environment for his autistic children. When my son went missing we did call a behavior consultant who was already working with Conor and she designed some programs to encourage him to stay in our yard. Even with that training though Conor, like Derek Hoare's daughter, requires 24-7 supervision.
I hope that the BC Ministry of Children and Social Development does not keep this father and his daughter apart. I hope they work with him and provide help for his daughter. Government's should not be punishing the father ... or his daughter ... because they face serious challenges arising from her autism disorder. They should work WITH the father ... not AGAINST him and not against his daughter's right to live with a caring parent. A caring parent is an important asset for any child, including and perhaps especially, a child with a severe autism disorder. It is an asset that should not be lightly squandered and taken away by government officials.
13 comments:
That's dreadful They should have given him extra support hours in his own home for the children. Simply dreadful and heartbreaking.
Every parent's greatest fears...
Instead of taking her away they should have offered him extra support in their home.
This just breaks my heart! I know of parents with autistic and typical children who have gotten out of the house and never, ever heard of this happening. I hope that something happens to get this father the support he needs and bring his daughter back to him. I feel for both of them. I hope that she is not scared, poor little girl. Please keep us updated and I pray they will be back together soon. Thank you.
This is so incredibly tragic. The government would save money by giving this father some in home help! The government should not be able to randomly take a child away because they feel the parent needs a break!
How differently do you think this would have gone down if it were a single MOM...? Much differently.
This is so scary; so many of our kids are runners, it could (and has) happened to so many of us...if our kids were taken away every time...
Horror stories like this make me want to run away to another country.
This could happen to anyone. Once I was holding Khaled's arms down at the train station while he screamed bloody murder, because he would not stop smacking his ears, they'd gone red and I was afraid for his ear drum. A "concerned citizen" proceeded to give me a lecture about how she was a social service worker and I should not be treating him like that. Seriously? I told her to go call the police. I hate over zealous nanny-state workers.
Stranded, leaving your country is not the solution. From south of your border, NYC: same stuff, 3 extra-ordinary children with husband active duty Coast Guard. Command did not want "disabled" on base, proceded to call children's services at every opportunity (one complaint: daughter playing in playground with downs syndrome - parse that!) Lost housing, but hung in til 20 year retirement... bought house, son torched it. An agency "helped" us - their family support person was working on her PhD, and decided to write about access to Children's Services for children with ASD. Knowing what we had gone through on base. Threatened with losing all children unless we put youngest in residential - lacking secure housing we reluctantly agreed - saw abuse within the first week...
Folks, this is real. Don't be broken hearted, don't get weepy on blogs where everyone pretty much feels the same way - reach out to support each other parents! Write a letter of protest - and copy your local politicos. Show outrage publicly!
Any updates on this dad and his situation?
This is awful! And all of us with children that wander/bolt know how easily this can happen... 30 seconds of distraction is all it takes. Still, one slip like that makes us criminally negligent as parents despite the rest of our super parenting!
Either, give the parents the extra support they need to do their jobs and/or educate the professionals on the realities of raising children with autism. Taking kids away from their parents and putting them in places with caregivers who are, often, less qualified needs to be added to the 'stupid list' (it's becoming a very long list).
the mcfd are child traffickers and adoption brokers. no more reports, no more investigations, inquiries, and commission appointees. lift the veil of nobility and call a spade a spade. legal kidnapping is a $35B/year industry based on the child protection myth/scam and needs to be abolished, like slavery...not reformed.
the mcfd are child traffickers and adoption brokers. no more reports, no more investigations, inquiries, and commission appointees. lift the veil of nobility and call a spade a spade. legal kidnapping is a $35B/year industry based on the child protection myth/scam and needs to be abolished, like slavery...not reformed.
This is disgusting.
Has anyone found some sort of contact number or email where we can petition against this abusive government action? "Bolting" (kid escaping and running off) is a topic that has come up repeatedly on ASD forums before, and is relatively common with "normal" NT kids too.
The only thing events like this are going to do is make parents (of NTs and Autistics alike)think twice about asking the police for help when their kids go missing. Not a good direction or message to send out.
And they won't even let him VISIT his daughter until the trial That's ABSURD. He was never abusive to her (from all reports) so why not let daddy come visit? Even hospitals have visiting hours, and there is absolutely no logical reason to deny him (or her) this small respite.
PLUS they are drugging her. Against all history of need. That pisses me off. There isn't a single drug in the whole wide world that doesn't have some sort of health impact - mental or physical - on the body. Often with long term consequences.
I hope dad sues them for drugging her. I really hope he does.
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