Buddies Forever

Parents advocating for our autistic children are occasionally lectured and told that we must stop trying to "change" our children. We must learn to accept our children's autism and find joy - in their autism. I do not find joy in Conor's autistic disorder which presents him with serious challenges now and for the future. But I find great joy and comfort in Conor himself. And it takes no effort on my part. Conor is a happy and loving boy. And lots of fun.

During the Fredericton Flood, now receding, sleep was hard to come by as we stayed on top of the basement flooding wth sump pump, shop vac and buckets. Above Dad tries to get some rest on the couch. Conor, stimmer straw and all, decides to pay a visit.

Buddies forever.

autism

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Autism and Affection - Conor Waits Anxiously For Dad

Last evening I got home late after finishing work at 8 pm local time. When I pulled in the driveway I could see Conor though the window in our side door .... waiting anxiously for Dad. His mom said he had been asking for me since 5:30 pm and had gotten a bit upset, asking for me almost non stop, with some wall banging. He was happy to see Dad and insisted (Daddy help) that I help put him to bed.

Obviously I wish Conor had not gotten upset but at the same time I would be lying if his expressed desire to see his old Dad at the end of the day did not lift my spirits considerably. Although I have trouble with the concept of finding joy in autism, I have no trouble accepting Conor for who he is, a fun loving, caring boy who loves his mom, dad, brother, Nanny, Grammy, Grampy and whoever shares his life with him in a caring way. That is who Conor is ... with or without autism.

autism

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Whole Picture Autism Acceptance

Parents and other autism advocates seeking to help autistic children and adults face many obstacles, not the least of which is a distorted "autism acceptance" movement. This distorted version of autism acceptance promotes the view that autism is a good thing. While persons with this perspective may pay lip service to the fact that autism is a neurological disorder, a disability, most members of this movement will not talk about the harsher realities of autism, particularly classic autism disorder. They will disparage in the harshest terms persons who talk about these realities. Whether it is called "natural variation" "neurodiversity" or "joy of autism" the autism acceptance advocates do anything but accept autism. What they do is tear the autism picture in half and accept and embrace the pretty parts of the autism picture and attack and disparage anyone who talks about the negative realities of autism. The self proclaimed autism acceptance advocates are deceiving themselves when they talk about accepting autism. They are really accepting only the pretty half of the picture not the whole picture of autism.

Most parental autism advocates yearn for whole picture autism acceptance by society. They wish they could take their children into public venues without stares and rude remarks when their children, overwhelmed by the environment around them, suffer meltdowns. They fight for autism specific health and education interventions for their children. They fight for treatment and cure for their children because they refuse to delude themselves about the nature of their children's neurological disorder. They accept their children's autism ... the whole picture and they refuse to be passive about the negative parts of the picture. These whole picture autism acceptance parents fight to help their autistic children that they love so dearly. They do not surrender to the lure of sweet surrender. They stand up and fight for their children.

Parents who accept the whole picture of their children's autism do not let a very high functioning autistic stranger tell them over the internet how they should raise, care for and ... help their autistic children. They seek to help their children overcome their deficits and for this they are reviled by self proclaimed autism acceptance advocates. They are fighting for their children because they love them ... and they accept their children's autism ... not part of the autism picture ... not just the pretty parts ... but the whole picture. Accepting autism means accepting the whole picture of autism .. including the parts that aren't so pretty.. the parts that don't get mentioned by anti-ABA crusaders in their Supreme Court of Canada and CBC Radio appearances.

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Conor Tracks

I have mentioned before that my son Conor, now 11 1/2, with Autism Disorder and profound developmental delays, is a great joy in my life. His autism presents serious challenges and precludes him from having an independent life. Despite the many challenges though, Conor adds much to my life.



When I see him at the end of the work day, face pressed against the window waiting for Dad, or when he walks into a room, I get a "Happy Buzz". I feel better, my spirits are lifted. Sometimes I get a Conor Happy Buzz even when I don't see him.

Last night, after Conor was asleep in his room, and during a commercial break from the season premiere of "My Name Is Earl" I went to the kitchen for a glass of water and spotted something on the kitchen floor. The ABC 's are Conor Tracks, signs that he had been there. And once again I got a Conor Happy Buzz.

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