The logic of the "Be Happy Your Child Has a Neurological Disorder Movement" is difficult to comprehend. These parents are actually happy that their children suffer from autistic deficits. The more extreme amongst them, like Estee Klar-Wolfond of the Joy of Autism, The Autism Acceptance Project, and other "projects", actually try to undermine the efforts of other parents seeking to help their own children overcome their deficits.
The confused thinking of the joy of autism mindset was highlighted in a recent letter to the editor of the Lebanon Daily News by Bonnie Price, mother of a 16 year old autistic boy who can not talk and who has the intellectual level of a 3-4 year old . Ms Price actually thanked God that her son is autistic even though she acknowledges in her letter that autism is a terrible affliction. Caring for her son has made her a better person and for that Ms Price expresses gratitude that her son is autistic:
Thank God for autism
Seth has taught me the meaning of unconditional love and brought a closeness to our family that could not have been but through trials. When he was 3, his natural father and I divorced. Were it not for autism, he may have fought for custody. Were it not for autism, I probably would have worked 40+ hours a week in pursuit of material possessions and never had learned to enjoy the simple life God has blessed us with. Were it not for autism, I may have ended up cold and indifferent to the needs of others.
We have witnessed the compassion, caring and generosity of others that we may otherwise not have seen. So, for all the misery of autism (and it is a terrible affliction), I am still deeply thankful God made Seth just the way he is. Seth is a beautiful person with autism.
Thank God for autism!
Bonnie Price
Finding no joy in child’s autism
I have a beautiful daughter, too. She is wonderful. She is full of life and is very athletic and bright. My two children are the joy of my life.
Price stated that her autistic son has taught her the meaning of unconditional love. I think all parents have unconditional love for their kids. If they didn’t, there’s something wrong.
She stated that if it weren’t for autism she probably would have worked 40 hours a week in pursuit of material possessions. Is she saying working your butt off in sacrifice to support your wife and kids is a bad thing? Working 40-plus hours a week has bought a house for my family, clothing and bikes for my kids, a swimming-pool membership and cars to drive my daughter to soccer and basketball practices and games.
Autism is horrible. My son has no real friends. He will probably be made fun of when he gets older. He never asks questions. He won’t play soccer, basketball, baseball or football with me. Autism is horrible !
I love my son to death. Seeing him smile or laugh really makes my day. Thank God for Autism? Those are four words that will never come out of my mouth. I thank God for my two great kids, not for my son’s mental disorder.
Edward Boehler
I love both of my sons including Conor who is severely autistic. I enjoy being with him every day. But I am not happy that he has autistic disorder. I find no joy in the knowledge that he will, like some other severely autistic persons, live his adult life in the care of others. Or that he can not fully communicate or comprehend the world. Joy of autism disorder is a confused, and sometimes harmful, mindset to which I will never belong.
autism
I am the father of a severely autistic, non-verbal eleven year-old daughter, who is very much delayed in her mental development. She is a wonderful child and she is loved greatly by my wife and me.
ReplyDeleteI see nothing positive in her autism and would love for her not to suffer from it. Not for my sake, but so she can live a full life.
That being said, a child with special needs can bring out strengths that you may have thought were lacking. I would not wish severe autism on any family, but hey, my family does all right. I can! love unconditionally. I am better than I thought!
Autism can bring out the best in parents. I feel my daughter's condition is part of what made me grow on as a person. However, if I concentrate on how "great" I have become, I am still the unloving selfish person I was before my daughter's regression.
The person in the article enamored with their child's autism, is in truth in love with herself.
My daughter's autism was at the center of my wife's and my journey to God. Trying to live in accordance with the scriptures is a huge part of our lives and has brought us countless blessings.
We firmly believe in the promise of salvation and my daughter's autism was what started us on that journey.
However, with all that. I want my child to live her dreams. (I don't even know if he currently has any.) I want her life to be full of friends, and I'd like her to fall in love and build a life with someone who loves her. I'd like her to understand God's love. Her autism prevents this. Her autism is of no benefit to her. There is no joy in autism. There is tremendous happiness in being her parents.
On a personal note. I very much enjoy your blog. I am a Dal grad and reading about autism in the maritimes takes me back. I also am wondering if you have looked at TeachTown, a fantastic on line. ABA program.
Dear Harold
ReplyDeleteThank you for bringing this issue to the fore. When I read the title of your post in my RSS reader I didn't know what to expect. When I began reading it, I was simply enraged.
You are very right, along with millions of parents who struggle with autism every single day, hoping for a recovery: autism is not a joy and the more severe autism is, the less fortunate a family can feel about autism presence in their life.
This is not saying that we are not thankful for our children. It is simply saying that we know how to make the separation between the person and the disease. We thank for existence of the person, we are not thankful for the presence of the disease.
In fact, thanking God for autism is blasphemous. As far as I understand Christianity, the existence of diseases in the world is the result of sin (of humanity, not of the diseased person). Being thankful for the existence of diseases is being thankful for the existence of sin in the world, as if the sin was in God's intent right for the beginning. You don't have to be a PhD in theology to understand that this is sheer nonsense.
"Hate sin but love the sinner" is the command for the believer. It is that hard to make the same difference when it comes to autism or other disorders? Do we need our children to have an IQ of 35 (or 45, or 65, it doesn't matter) so that we can learn to be good people?
OK, let's be thankful for earthquakes, tsunamis, famines and civil wars too, because during such tribulations we give a little more to our fellow humans, hence we are "enlightened" by the misfortune of others.
I totally agree with MayFly: the person who thanked God for his child's autism is, in fact, enamored with himself/herself. A humble person who sacrifices something for another less fortunate person (be that his own disabled child) doesn't think "Gee, look how great I am and what wonderful things I am capable of". It simply doesn't work that way. You do good (if any) simply because you feel that way, and not because of the nirvana peaks you have reached.
In the respect of the saying that autism teaches you not to strive for material possessions: this is equally cynical for a person who lives in a highly developed nation. I invite such "thankful" person to come and live with her autistic child in a developing nation like Romania or in an underdeveloped nation like there are so many in this world (way too many!). Living in USA, Canada, France or Netherlands - where public services are good, infrastructure exists, food is not scarce and there are so many choices - and saying that you don't care about material possessions is an insult to other fellow humans who live in less advanced economies and who have to endure the malfunctions of the countries they live in addition to the condition of their offspring.
I little about me: I live in Romania and I have four wonderful boys, one of them with autism. His autism is quite mild, nevertheless debilitating. Due to autism presence in our life we've learned many things about the human condition and the meaning of life.
Despite these obviously good outcomes for our minds and souls, I cannot praise the fact that, among other things, my 4.5 yo son speaks at a level of a 2 year old and he cannot fructify his intelligence to the fullest because of his condition. No, thanks, I will never be thankful for autism.
I have to say that this issue, like so many other autism-related issues, is a matter of individual circumstances, philosophy, and experience.
ReplyDeleteI can't say that I "thank God for autism," but I CAN say that there are positive aspects of our experience with autism that I wouldn't happily trade for so-called "normalcy."
My son is autistic, and unlike other children his age he is able to spend hours at the fine art museum, truly engaging with paintings by van Gogh and Monet. He doesn't know or care whether other boys would want to (or even could) care about how Monet painted his waterlilies: Tommy cares. I see this as a gift of autism. Same for his real love for classical music; his ability to observe the natural world; his lack of concern about peer pressure and Nickelodeon culture.
On the other hand, he has no friends. He's considerably delayed in certain academic areas. He can't be in a typical classroom. He still can't tell time. He's often stared at for his odd mannerisms. His conversation skills are significantly delayed. Obviously, I wouldn't wish these problems on him or us.
My point: if Tom does achieve great things in life (and I have no idea whether he or his typical sister will, of course!), it will not be because he finally manages to carry on small talk with a peer. It will be because of the unusual gifts of art, music or science with which he was born - I assume in connection with his autism.
No, I don't "thank God for autism," but I do see his differences as having a very "up" side.
Lisa (autism.about.com)